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A new perspective

Okay... Here it goes!
As I sit here with tears in my eyes I am realizing that in this very moment I think I might be having a change of heart from my last post. You know the one with the issues of my "belly rubbing"... and hugs.
Well, not uncommonplace here....but once again for the 2nd time already today I have incessently searched through NieNiedialogues and CJane. The post that is titled "The Human Touch, by our Brother Andrew" is worth your time.
So, I have not completely evolved into Mrs. McFeely, but I have a deeper understanding from someone else why it is important to feel Human Touch.
Funny thing is... We have a new Bishop at church. He is a good man. He is very "right winged" if you get what I mean..? Anyways, he made an annoucement at church a few weeks ago about this very topic. His view is that men and women should not be "hugging" at church unless they are your family or children. I have had a hard time with this... (funny, you wouldn't have thought so) but I feel as though it is a total violation of my free-agency... and it is! This did not come across as a suggestion or a cautionary statement but as a "rule" -of sorts. However, I do understand that his concern is coming from a standpoint of not wanting others to interpret a hug as something that it is not supposed to be, I still don't fully agree.
Thank you to CJane for this post by your brother.
I am sending my hugs across the United States to Nie and your family.
And now I think I will go and "mug" my sweet little Lucy and her daddy! XOXOXO

I put the "Nie Recovery" button on the sidebar of my blog. I found this blog-actually her personal blog-nieniedialoges- through recommendation of one of my favorite people. I continuously read this blog for several reasons, one being that I find myself totally enamoured with her ability to caputure every beautiful decorating idea in my imagination and beautifully portray it in her home, another being her ability to write so gorgeously, and have a fantastic ability to express the love she has for her family through her every deed. When I found out about the plane crash I felt this connection of sorts with her and her husband. I find myself daily... actually more than a few times a day going to see what the updates are with Mr. and Mrs. Nielson. I have had dreams about them and it seems to intermingle with my own life-in my dreams of course. I have a habit of doing this in my dreams pretty frequently. I have met and become best friends with Jessica Simpson and Jennifer Garner to name a few. I must have an obsession with celebrities, mostly ones that I think I might like to be friends with. I would stick Nie in the "celebrity" category in my mind.
When I see these amazing blogs with such beautiful writing and adorable backgrounds I feel totally unworthy to continue my own blog and feel bloggers block for sometimes months on end. In addition to my feelings of inequality I am apprehensive about sharing personal details on the internet, well not just the internet but I like to keep pretty private most of the time. So, I admire those who share their lives so freely!
One thing that I would like to blog about is something that is so totally bizarre to me... Why is it when women are pregnant that complete strangers as well as non-strangers feel as though it is okay to touch ones "belly?" I find this so creepy. I have spacial issues, I know. I am not so much the type of person who likes to hug or be hugged frequently. I appreciate affection and know of its importance but I often find myself in akward situations and can't decide if a hug is appropriate or not? If I know a hug is coming I find myself preparing for it or trying to find ways to avoid it. (except with close family or good friends of course)
Anyways... back to touching the belly. When I was pregnant with Lucy this happened to me a few times and I finally got so annoyed with the rubbing from a complete stranger I reached out and rubbed her belly right back. She looked at me puzzled and violated and I responded to her with "see it's weird huh?" If you just had breast implants I certainly would not walk up to you reach out and touch or rub them, so don't rub my belly please! In additon to nasuea and my spacial issues please do not touch my belly unless you ask me first, but don't be offended if I tell you "no."
This sort of thing would not bother Nie or her sister CJane because they are so kind hearted and loving and can fully embrace the love from others, me on the other hand... I struggle with the kind heartedness and love from others, so I will try to do better! Until then.... have a good weekend! We are going to enjoy Conference, the super yummy homemade salsa I have in the refrigerator, do some anatomy and physiology studying, and contemplate how I can leave my mark in this world in a way that if I were in Nie's position I could receive a fraction of the love that has been shown to her.