Monday, February 8, 2010

Day 36 of 60lbs

I did weigh in on Thursday.

I was down
8 lbs
total for the 1st month.
Although that is a feat in itself, it is not quite the 10 that I need to make the goal of 10 pounds a month for 60 in 6. I am a little bummed. I totally regressed these last few days. I was feeling pretty down and defeated and I ate Oreo's, and some other stuff.
Then I got a call from my former lovely neighbor Mary.
She reminded me to
"talk nice to your body."

I am not talking nice to my body, and I am certainly not thinking good thoughts about my body. I am going to change that. I know that the power of positive thinking WILL manifest whatever I want.
I KNOW this, I believe this, I am witness to this in my life.
My self-image has always been negative.
At 10 years old I have very vivid memories of thinking "my thighs are huge"
I believed it, and I thought others did as well.
I went through some challenges in my freshman year of High School. I was borderline anorexic. I harbored many emotions that were swirling around me constantly. Things and emotions that some people should not have to endure in their lifetime, let alone while in crucial teenage years. I was scared, and I deserved validation for my endurance. It really never came, and so I turned to a place where I could control something- food.
Luckily the anorexia passed without any repercussions, but the desire for an "ideal" body image remained so devastatingly skewed.
I am still in that place of a skewed body image. I know that. I accept that. And I am going to change that. But I am changing that in a way that is healthy and real.
I am not after a celebrity body image. I am after Wholeness.- like "Remembering Wholeness"
I deserve the things that I desire as long as they are in line with what is good and my intentions are pure.
My intentions are pure here and I desire a healthy body and an even healthier body image.
There are days when it is really hard. There are days when I feel like I am on a high because I am so proud of myself. I wish those days came much more frequently. And I know that in time they will and I will be able to leave these negative thoughts in a very distant past.
I am going to work on
"talking nice"

My body deserves that. My energy deserves that. My family deserves that.
So here is to talking nice and re-adjusting my thoughts.

Happy Monday.

3 comments:

Travis said...

Keep on your track... You'll be great... You can't forget how much your family loves you, and that love is not attached to a body image...

Now hit the gym Ms. Barker... Sweat out those negative thoughts...

Hahaha

Natalie said...

good post kristen. and thanks mary for reminding us all to talk nice. i'm still proud of you:)!

mary.liz said...

Awww, I miss you! I am trying better to talk nice to myself, esp while prego and not feeling so lovely.

But just remember WHO it is that wants you to think horrible things about yourself??? Don't give him any power! Hard, so hard to do but if we remember who we really are it makes it easier to be kind to ourselves!